Dear people who read this blog...

     As you've likely noticed, I haven't published a new blog post in about 3 days. You should just go ahead and get used to this, because I'm a lazy sack of shit who prefers sleeping 18 hours a day as opposed to sitting at my computer writing hilarious blog material. Also, if I try and start a schedule of writing every day or every other day, my writing would become forced and unfunny, and since funny is the only reason any of you sad, lonely people come and read this horrible mistake masquerading as a rant blog, there wouldn't be much of a point to carry on anymore and I'd probably just do us all a favor and quickly introduce myself to the rocks at the bottom of the nearest accessible gorge.
     That being said, the Olympics have been going on for 3 or 4 days now and I already want to fly to London and violently eviscerate the head of the British Olympic Committee. Even Google, my island in the swirling sea of internet retardation, has picked up their banjo and jumped onto the Olympic bandwagon that more than half the known world has been gleefully riding since Friday. And if the sheer fact that I can't get a moment's peace from this whole charade wasn't annoying enough, being American as I am, if I were to actually watch the Olympics, I'd find that the only country that there's any coverage of whatsoever IS AMERICA, and that's simply because the broadcasting companies know that the only athletes that the American people care about at all are the American ones, so they don't bother with covering anyone else because as sure as the sun rises in the East some fat redneck from Arkansas would complain to NBC that they're wasting valuable time they could be using to broadcast women's beach volleyball for the 7th time to cover all those loser countries that we haven't democracied up yet. Kenya? Germany? Canada? Those countries don't matter and they hate us for our freedom!! GOD BLESS THE USA AND NO ONE ELSE!! I can't wait for this to be over so I can go back to hating everything else. The Olympics are taking up hatred that I could be using to yell about other funnier things, but noooooo, the Spandex carnival is in town and dammit, if you people won't shut up about it then neither will I. Good day.

     I'd also like to wish a very happy and Strider-filled birthday to my dear friend Beverly Shanahan. I can't begin to thank you enough for introducing me to Homestuck and for being bar none the funniest person on my Facebook news feed.

Some idiot made a blog.

So some of those people that already listen to me complain about things on Facebook told me I should start a blog so their newsfeeds wouldn't be clogged with my ramblings. I can't blame them. I wouldn't want to have to listen to me if I were them. So if you're reading this, that means that by some illusory magic you came here with the intent of actually surveying the nonsense that constantly spills out of the cavern in my head. Well, don't say I didn't warn you.